V is for Vampire: Energy and Emotional Vampires
By
Vampire by Novic at Dreamstime
There is a vampire craze right now! “Twilight” is a top selling book and has actually gotten teens to enjoy reading. It’s also been made into a movie! Since we’re approaching Halloween, ghouls, goblins, and vampires seem to be everywhere – decorating front lawns, book displays in the library, and a large selection of scary movies available for purchase at the store.
However we all know that vampires aren’t real – just fictional bloodsuckers. Right?
Think again! There is a type of vampire that is all too real and they are just as deadly as the blood sucking fictional kind. However not too many people are aware of this type of vampire, but have probably experienced being in the presence of such people. Have you ever put down the phone after a conversation with a “friend” and felt exhausted or suddenly had a bad headache? Do some people just seem to drain you of energy? Do you have a co-worker who is outwardly charming, but your gut reaction and instincts tell you to “beware”? Is someone in your life a “taker” without ever giving much back in return? Do you get bad vibes from someone for no logical reason? Does a certain person always make you feel put down or unworthy? If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have experienced an energy vampire!
What is an Energy Vampire?
“To be free, you can’t remain naïve about relationships. Some people are positive, mood-elevating, sustaining. Others can suck optimism and serenity right out of you. To protect your sensitivity, it’s imperative to name and combat these emotional vampires”. ~ Dr. Judith Orloff
We’ve all encountered emotional/energy vampires – friends, co-workers, neighbors, acquaintances, family members. It is important to be able to recognize vampires for what they are and develop a strategy for dealing with them. A few years ago, I attracted two vampires par excellence into my life at approximately the same time. Without going into all the juicy details, let’s just say that I know from experience how deadly they can be. Thankfully neither is in my life any longer. However I learned from my experience and now know the warning signs and am much better at spotting vampires, listening to my intuition, setting boundaries, and saying “no” if I feel it is in my best interests.
Everyone has a bad day from time to time and even a normally positive person can sometimes drain you a bit. Life happens and sometimes crises do occur to our loved ones which may cause them to be demanding and make you feel exhausted. This is part of everyday life and is to be expected. However vampires are a different breed. Draining the life force out of others is their survival method and a way of life for them.
Especially if you are a creative type, you often vibrate at a higher level whether you are aware of it or not. Therefore you radiate more energy and can be especially attractive to vampires, so you need to be on guard. Other emotional states that make you more vulnerable to vampires are low self-esteem, depression, lack of assertiveness, a victim mentality, and being too much of a people pleaser. Dr. Judith Orloff, author of ”Emotional Freedom” states “A vampire’s effects can stun like a sonic blast or make you slowly wilt. But it’s the rare drainer who sets out to purposely enervate you. The majority act unconsciously, oblivious to being an emotional drain”.
How to Recognize an Energy Vampire
“A vampire goes in for the kill by stirring up your emotions. Pushing your buttons throws you off center, which renders you easier to drain”. ~ Dr. Judith Orloff
It is important to realize that although all vampires ultimately want to drain you of energy, they appear in different forms. Once you can name and recognize the type of vampire you are dealing with, the good news is that they are all predictable. You can learn strategies to effectively deal with them, and in some cases the best thing may be to release them from your life altogether. Emotional and energy vampires throw you off center by stirring up your emotions, which in turn makes it easier for them to feed off your life force energy in order to sustain themselves.
The Five Types of Emotional/Energy Vampires:
1. The Narcissist (Narcissistic Personality)
We’ve all heard the myth of Narcissus looking in the pond and falling in love with his beautiful reflection. This sums up the narcissist – they are in love with themselves first, and nothing much else matters. Their hearts are hard and only have room for one person – themselves! They have a sense of entitlement, love attention, think they can do no wrong, and that everyone is just there to serve their needs. Or some might call them ego-maniacs! Dr. Judith Orloff states: “Some narcissists are unlikeable, flagrant egoists. Others can be charming, intelligent, caring – that is, until their guru status is threatened. When you stop stroking their ego or beg to disagree, these vampires turn on you and become punishing”.
2. The Victim (Dependent Personality)
Welcome to the pity party and the province of the Drama Queen (or King)! Sometimes these people genuinely do have sad stories to tell but they can overwhelm you with their constant needs. You may at first try to help, but you need to know that your compassionate nature does not have to be taken for granted or abused. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to these types of people. The victim needs constantly to be taken care of and are often very negative with their words or have very negative energy. Oftentimes they are very depressed also.
3. The Controller (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality)
Pretty self-explanatory! These types of people like to control everything in their midst, including you! They aren’t afraid to share their opinions and tell you what they think is best for you. They are often perfectionists and it is hard to satisfy their high standards. They may also be pretty inflexible and lack spontaneity.
4. The Criticizer (Mixed Personality Disorder)
Closely linked to the controllers, these vampires love to point out your faults and when something is not being done correctly. They can do serious damage to your self-esteem and confidence if you don’t address the issue. Dr. Orloff states: “…Science magazine reports that when someone is belittling you, your brain responds as it does to physical pain. Criticism can hurt, whether it comes from another or from within. It impairs emotional freedom by bludgeoning your confidence and making it unsafe to express emotions”.
5. The Splitter (Borderline Personality)
Life is either black or white with a splitter and there is no room for gray areas. They epitomize the love-hate relationship. One minute you may be a golden goddess, and the next an evil witch. Dr. Orloff states: “Their relationships are intense, unstable. Borderlines can be personable and giving if you meet their needs. If you don’t do so, they feel abandoned, a primal terror that triggers verbal abuse or impulsive acts”.
How to Deal with Vampires
“Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
- Identify what type of vampire you’re dealing with.
- Examine how the relationship makes you feel or what emotions are stirred up by this person.
- Work on your assertiveness skills and realize you are a unique, beautiful, divine being.
- Enhance your self-esteem, gain clarityand empower yourself by reading books, hiring a life coach, taking seminars etc.
- If it is a work situation and not a personal relationship, set limits and boundaries with the person. Remain calm, but firm and do not be swayed by their attempts to throw you off center.
- If it is a personal relationship, weigh the pros and cons of staying in the relationship.
- If you decide the pros outweigh the cons in a personal (or even professional) relationship, you must be willing to take responsibility for your decision and have a response strategy preplanned.
- Focus on the good in the relationship and accept the other person’s limitations.
- If necessary seek professional help and/or leave the relationship.
Be Vampire Free!
As an artist or creative type you may be beaming your light very brightly. An unfortunate side effect of this is that sometimes this light attracts vampires like a moth to a flame. However, now that you know how damaging some people can really be, and that energy/emotional vampires are real, decide to use the strategies outlined above to make your life vampire free!
Let you light shine on and don’t dim it down for anyone! Zap those moths and vampires when they come too close or if they attempt to step on your toes!
Resources:
Books:
“Emotional Freedom” by Judith Orloff, M.D.
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